Relying on Each Other for Happiness

This post is inspired by Laura Munson's This Is Not The Story You Think It Is . . .A Season of Unlikely Happiness, this month's book club choice for the virtual book club From Left to Write. I received a copy of this book as a participant in the group.

We've lived far from family for over a decade now - not just a town or state away - but a necessary flight or full day's drive away. When we relocated from Michigan to California, my mom's words still echo in my mind that I shouldn't be too sad or anxious about the move, that it would be a good thing for my husband and me because it will bring us closer. That's we'd only have each other to rely on - in emergencies, for daily emotional support, as a spouse and also as best friends. We wouldn't have Desperate Housewives-like relationships with life-long friends we could pop-in on at a whim. We wouldn't have resources, and doctors and stores and babysitters we were familiar with or could find other friends to verify for us - we'd be exploring and testing them out ourselves. She was right of course, that we do have a different relationship than our married friends whom have not struck out completely alone. I don't know if that's better or worse, but it's definitely different. We've been each other's only cheerleaders, firestarters and celebratory partners for as long as I can remember. I don't really know "us" without this best friend-parent-lover mishmash that' we've become.

It took me a while to get into this book and once I did, I saw it as the author's stream-of-councious thoughts in how she processed a situation in her marriage with all of the confidence and loyalty she could muster. I know there are times when I was forced to wholly support my husband through experiences (and he me). I didn't know with 100% certainty that moving to Silicon Valley or to Chicago or to NYC would work out for us and offer us what we wanted, and there have been times that I have internally wavered in my support of the decisions we've made. Underneath it all has been a loyalty or a faith in us that I never questioned. We'd figure it out.

We're still several years away from our next milestone birthdays, one that has historically caused many to reflect and sometimes question their lives up until that point. I don't expect my husband (who will hit this milestone a couple of years before me) to flip out, but I do anticipate that he may need some extra support or compassion around then, and that I may not know what to do or how to be there for him. I know our parents have supported each other through medical issues or procedures - and even then, people don't always know what to say or how to support each other through the mental and emotional processes required to get through those times.

I wonder where Laura's strength of spirit and mental toughness came from, as she had to call it up from somewhere. She writes about the confidence her dad had in her ability as a writer, and I'm reminded of how important it is to raise confident children so they have that to bolster them up when they encounter set backs, failures, or just times when it can be easy to question themselves and others.

I know that one of the take-away messages from this book is that it can drive you insane if you rely on others for your own happiness, and that you can choose to be happy. However, I really think that in times of questioning ourselves, we have to have somewhere "to go" to gain the strength to make ourselves happy. I hope that as parents, we can lay a foundation for my son to draw his own confidence and strength from so that he can choose to be happy in his own life.

 

Comments

[Jennifer Bush]

I like your take on the book. No person is an island nor should they have to be. I think in this case, her husband did have Laura to go to, even if he didn't realize it. I wonder if he would have been there for her if she had come to him with the same pronouncement.

[Lisa H.]

My husband and I have discussed the possibility of moving further away from our family and friends many, many times. The #1 reason is because we know it would make our relationship stronger and - possibly - better. Thanks for putting that into words.

[Sharon]

Your take away message of others making us insane if we rely on them for our happiness is so true. Choosing happiness cannot always be that easy, especially if it involves making major life changes. Laura's husband was also trying to choose his own version of happiness.

[C.Mom]

I really liked the book as well--- it was like being inside her head as she dealt with something that is painfully difficult. I admire her commitment and resolve.

[Laura Munson]

Thank you for reading my book! I hope it helps people. Yrs, Laura