Leading a Quietly Risky Life

This post is inspired by the From Left to Write virtual book club, and this month's book, The Stuff That Never Happened by Maddie Dawson. I received a copy of the book as a participant in the book club. It's the story of young newlyweds moving cross-country from LA to NYC, where the young bride has an affair and the couple survives it by agreeing not to discuss it. . .until she runs into her old flame 26 years later.

A couple of years ago while attending my middle sister's wedding, one of our close family friends made the comment to me that he admired c2cDad's and my ability to take on risk with our cross-country moves. He was impressed with our ability to pick up, relocate and immerse ourselves into a successful happy life wherever we were, despite knowing no one beforehand. The comment stopped me in my tracks and I responded with something completely unintelligible I'm sure. The thought of c2cDad and I being risk-takers caught me completely off-guard. (Me? I wanted to look around to make sure he was talking to ME. You know I order the same dish every time I return to a restaurant for fear I won't like something else as well? Or that the riskiest thing I do most days is open a Diet Coke can next to my laptop?)

Right then and there I experienced what I can only imagine as one of Oprah's Aha moments. Never before then had I ever considered my life to be full of risk. Was each move an exciting new adventure and chapter in our life together? Most definitely. Was each move saddled with levels of anxiety and uncertainty? You bet.

Looking back though, I always had a plan. I always had a back-up to the back-up, another doctor recommendation or preschool to visit if the first didn't work out. So my Type-A personality mitigated some of the risk off the bat. I remember my day to day life, which seems boringly traditional and conservative. Embarassingly so. I was married straight out of college and remember the girls I first worked with at Thomas & Associates telling me how lucky I was to be moving there already engaged because it was so hard to meet good men in Silicon Valley. (I also remember working at another agency, married at 25 and having the guys tease me that I'd be divorced by 30.) 

What I realized was that there are different levels of risk: it doesn't have to mean traveling to third-world war-torn countries, and I don't have to run into burning buildings for my job to be a risk-taker. Yes, you could certainly argue that it's risky to take New Jersey transit into NYC, or to take a cab or the Subway. ;-) However, I've taken public transportation enough that it's become old hat for me. I still wig out a bit when we fly somewhere (which is why I LOVE Virgin America for all of the great entertainment distractions!), although my statistician friend always reminds me how much more dangerous it is to drive on New Jersey roads than flying.

I chalk some of the supposed risk-taking in my life up to being naive and idealistic...perhaps a bit of an optimist, but definitely a productive, empowered and practical person. I didn't envision my life living in the cities I've lived in, but my life in those exciting, beautiful areas was predictable and safe in my memories.

I chalk the rest of it up to trusting c2cDad and our life together. Leaving him or dissolving our marriage hasn't really been an option for us. As much as we'd disagree or argue, we've been in it for the long haul and that's something we don't mention or discuss - it's just there like the greater of the sums of us. I may have married young (trust me, nothing reminds me of this more than when I gaze adoringly at the rings my friends who've only married recently sport and look down at mine purchased just out of school on a fraction of the budget). I'm so practical and safe, that I remember saying to him that I didn't want an engagement ring that cost as much as a car. . .because if I had my choice, I'd rather have a new car I could use than a bobble on my hand.

This year we celebrate our 10-year wedding anniversary, and although we've survived four moves in five years, I hope that we have more adventure awaiting us here in the NYC area and that we're settling down for a while. I do admit to being jealous of my friends' wedding rings, but I'm not ready to trade mine in for an upgrade. I'd rather complete our Ethan Allen dining room set...

Comments

[Mastermindmommy]

You live a much more risky life than I. I am envious that you can just move away from everything and start over somewhere new. We were going to do that once... we chickened out. Now we can't... (not that I would want to now.) Kudos to you and your risky life! PS. Public transportation in NYC isn't all THAT bad if you know where you're going. Even I, the suburbanite, know that! :)

[Mastermindmommy]

And my ring was his grandmother's that I got the day they put her in the ground... I am also very jealous of those beautiful rings my friends wear, but I know the sentimental value of the ring and wear it proudly every day... :)

[C2cmom]

Ha! I'd give anything to have lived somewhere long enough, or to have family in the area, so we could have in-person background checks on babysitters, or stellar school and doctor recommendations from people who know us really well.

I LOVE that you have a family ring!!

[Sharon]

I love the adventure of moving. My husband does not like things to change. So we rarely move and life is safe and secure. It is probably better that way.

[Mamasick]

Your life sounds a bit like Annabelle's, marrying young and moving to NYC and then to NH. So glad your risks have only strengthened your marriage!

[Christy]

Isn't it funny how other people's lives seem so much more exciting and exotic than our own? My life is just the norm to me, so I'm always a bit surprised when people tell me that they admire some aspect of it. I think that was a theme in the book as well. Annabelle thought her life with Jeremiah would have been somehow better, when the reality is that it probably would have felt just as mundane (assuming that it worked out at all).